Jump for Joy

I have really missed blogging A LOT! It had been such a long time since I blogged last and now I am blogging kind of a lot but I guess that I just have a lot to say which I haven't really been able to get out.....I'm so stressed with school right now! This semester is going to be brutal I can just tell! I am just finishing up my third week of school so that means only 13 weeks left of this semester!! WHOOHOO! I'm getting done slowly but this semester started out very difficultly and now it's just getting even harder....I'm struggling to stay up on my homework with so many projects due so frequently....it's hard to stay on top of everything but I am trying my very best....you know why I think I love my blog so much?....because I have a REALLY hard time trusting people.......I have serious trust issues because of things that have happened to me in my past...for some reason it is soo hard for me to tell people how I am feeling because I feel like everyone is going to stab me in the back at one point or another....the really sad part of it is that I really want to tell people how I am feeling and talk to people about my emotions and let them see the REAL me......but it's so hard for me to do that feeling like everyone is going to judge me or hurt me or betray me somehow....I hate living like this and I hope that one day maybe I won't need this blog so badly to pour out my emotions...maybe someday I will trust someone enough to tell them everything about me.....and to trust them with everything...but right now it's to hard so I will just blog away to my hearts content...maybe it's just easier talking on here because no one knows who I am .....maybe that's why I am able to be so open and honest all of the time...it's kind of sad that I pour my heart out to a blog all of the time when probably no one reads this anyways but it's what I have to do...........so I got some REALLY exciting news the other day......the guy I'm in love with is not going away for like 2 and 1/2 years......I literally want to jump for joy....the fact that he is not going away makes me soo happy! Seriously no one understands...sometimes I wish that I didn't love him this much...honestly sometimes I wonder why or how this even happened....I don't know why or how I fell for him...it just happened....he didn't do anything to make me like him I just fell on my own...as I kind of got to know him I just liked him more and more........I love everything I know of him.........I wish so badly that I knew how he felt towards me....but honestly I know right now the timing is not right.....I know that he and I are not supposed to be together right now so I am just satisfied being friends! I hope that maybe one day he will be able to see me as  more than that....because I really am in love with him...probably to much for my own good..........It's so late right now and I'm not even tired I don't know why that is...all I know right now is that I am pretty happy for me which is a really amazing thing! I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.
The Painting Warrior